Nothing worked

I've documented on here how I've tried to make my office as uninviting as possible.

A quick review;

No chairs
No magazines
No bar (I cannot offer you a scotch like an old soap opera)
My music can be off putting
My attitude can be charitably described as aloof
No welcome mat

But short of barbed wire I'm out of options. If I close my door scandal is presumed, and Flanders is a knocker. I'm leaning towards a live bear trap.